Best way to be a snob

How do you speak like a person of refined tastes? 如何像伪雅士一样说话?

For a few decades, the absolute peak of fashion in China was a gray Mao suit or a dreary green uniform. Your choice of favored literature was as good as the next comrade's (probably the Little Red Book). Things were so much simpler as a member of the masses, feeling utterly content and faceless.

However, we are living in the agonizing present where temptations threaten to inflame our vapid vanity. In mainstream society, men are supposed to be rich and successful and women to be rich and pretty. Weibo bloggers flaunt designer handbags, monasteries have bank accounts with 10-digit figures and the latest phone is a status symbol.

Luckily, intellectualism seems to be on the rise, giving you the perfect excuse to eschew 炫富 (xuànfù, showing off one's wealth) with righteous indignation and satisfy your ego in an alternative and more fulfilling way.Vanity, or 虚荣心 (xūróng xīn), literally means "the falsely honored heart" in Chinese.

If pretending to be rich turns out to be too troublesome, you can always - with the help of this guide - fake intelligence. To 得瑟 (de sè, show off) how smart you are, don't hesitate to be pretentious or snobbish about your taste in art or literature.

These gestures will really get the message across. Granted, there's a big chance you'll end up being the most detested person in your social circle, but there will also be no lack of simple minded chumps willing to fall for your shtick, proclaiming you 牛 B (niú B, awesome) from the mountain tops. Before we go any further, remember the motto:

Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's good.

Liúxíng de bù yīdìng shì hǎo de.

流行的不一定是好的。

Despising and doubting the value of popular culture is a common symptom of snobbery. In application of the motto, avoid any apparent interest in blockbuster movies, bestselling books or pop music. Explain by pointing out that there's still a difference between high culture and low culture. What's good for the masses clearly would never be good enough for a cultured being such as yourself. Even if you secretly enjoy Tiny Times, take it as a personal insult if anyone ever tries to invite you to watch it.

A: A blockbuster will be in theater this weekend. Shall we go together?

Zhè zhōumò yǒuyī bù dà piān er shàngyìng. Wǒmen yīqǐ qù kàn ba?

这周末有一部大片儿上映。我们一起去看吧？

B: Sorry, I never watch commercial films.

Duìbùqǐ, wǒ cónglái bu kàn shāngyèpiàn.

对不起，我从来不看商业片。

I only watch movies that are meaningful.

Wǒ zhǐ kàn yǒu yìyì de diànyǐng.

我只看有意义的电影。

In fact, you can go as far as claim that: If something is popular, it must be bad.

Liúxíng de, yīdìng shì bù hǎo de.

流行的，一定是不好的。

Forget that Shakespeare wrote for the peanut gallery; don't hesitate to bash any popular book about how poorly it was written. It's a great way to make your peers feel bad about what they choose to read:

A: I recommend this bestseller.

Wǒ tuījiàn zhè běn chàngxiāo shū gěi nǐ kàn.

我推荐这本畅销书给你看。

B: Excuse me, but I prefer something with more depth.

Bù hǎoyìsi, wǒ gèng xǐhuan yǒu shēndù yīdiǎn de shū.

不好意思，我更喜欢有深度一点的书。

So, what fits on the bookcase of a literary snob? For foreign literature, French and German classics are the best, although Russian literature seems to be making a comeback lately. For Chinese literature, avoid contemporary works and focus only on the past - the older the better.

My favorite book is Remembrance of Things Past by Marcel Proust.

Wǒ zuì xǐhuan de shū shì mǎ sài ěr·pǔ lǔ sī tè de "zhuīyì sì shuǐ niánhuá".

我最喜欢的书是马塞尔·普鲁斯特的《追忆似水年华》。

Once familiar with these tips, you should be ready to move on to the next level - how to drop subtle hints that you prefer quality literature -thus are a person of taste - without even mentioning the subject matter. The trick is to use "the Republic style" (民国体 mínguó tǐ) in your daily conversation. People spoke or wrote like this during the Republic of China period (1912-1949).

Frankly, if your listeners can understand what you are talking about, you should adopt an even earlier and more pretentious style, 文言文 (wényánwén, classic Chinese). The Republic style, on the other hand, features vernacular Chinese, or 白话文 (báihuàwén), the forerunner of modern Chinese. Although certain elements from classic Chinese were preserved, it's still accessible to ordinary people.

Renowned writers from the Republic period are also a good bet. Drop a few famous lines from time to time and listeners will be instantly impressed by your skill at sounding like a literary master. Since they all had specific characteristics, you can take your pick of writers, but Lu Xun (鲁迅)'s style is imperative.

There were no road signs when the earth began; they were made by people treading on the ground.

Zhè shìjiè shàng běn méiyǒu lù, zǒu de rén duōle, yě biàn chéngle lù.

这世界上本没有路，走的人多了，也便成了路。

Whether it's talking about art and literature or just daily chit-chat, this should get you started on your journey to becoming the most infuriating person in any Chinese conversation. Chances are everyone else will be doing it too.

Courtesy of The World of Chinese,

www.theworldofchinese.com

The World of Chinese

(China Daily Africa Weekly 11/22/2013 page27)