A cross-cultural marriage, one year later

Randy and Shijun love to visit new places. This is Yuanmingyuan park in Beijing. [Photo provided to chinadaily.com.cn]

But culture ... ahh, culture -- bridging this gap can be puzzling. What makes sense to my wife sometimes makes none to me, and vice versa. Yet, there are no deal-breakers. Our cultural differences are more like a carnival ride, only nobody throws up. It’s a never-ending series of delightfully amusing moments.

That’s because, first of all, we consciously decided to be happy going in. Our honeymoon never ended. We dance after dinner and hold hands in public. We assume positive intent in each other. We give each other space. All of this seems like pretty good advice for any couple.

Surprisingly, language is only a minor barrier -- though her English is imperfect and my Chinese is virtually nonexistent. Our underlying respect for one another always wins out. She can easily outrun my ear in Chinese, and I can make her head spin with a stream of English idioms, though she never shows it. She is the master of mellow. “Do you understand (insert word here)?” I ask frequently. When she answers in the negative, I walk her through the idea, usually more than once. It’s our new normal.

For us, the language barrier -- far from being a danger zone -- is more like a ridiculous party game, our own carnival fun house. We look at ourselves in the wavy mirror of cultural assumptions and laugh. We even survived that most dangerous of mine fields, an apartment purchase and the mandatory redecorating project.

Other so-called cultural barriers seem unimportant. She is an adventurous eater; I’m more conservative. She likes to eat weird Chinese dishes at restaurants; I love the fresh, not-so-weird Chinese food she prepares at home. She’s willing to try anything: I introduced her to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and to Mexican guacamole. Now she can’t get enough.

In short, dealing with our differences is great sport, and something I wouldn’t trade – not even for a glass of ice-cold Coca-Cola and certainly not for a cup of Chinese hot water.

Our wedding vows, spoken before 200 colleagues and friends at China Daily on July 24, 2014, codified our commitment to stand beside one another, to make each other’s lives pleasant and joyful, to cultivate generosity and humor in our family.

Any marriage will succeed, in my opinion, regardless of race or culture, if one simple habit is cultivated by both parties. Essentially always put the other person first.

One more thing, Wang Shijun is the name of the heroine of this cross-cultural love story.