Americans and Chinese view dating very differently

Ben and Li Dan pose for their wedding photo. Provided by Ben

Communication style is hardest to adapt to. Americans are honest and open with our thoughts and feelings, but I think many Chinese tend to not say what they think and remain silent if there's a disagreement. I find this very difficult to accept. I want to communicate more about our differences and disagreements.

Another big thing is having proper expectations. You should expect there to be disagreements and misunderstandings. But you should also expect that those incidents will go away with time, but the love you feel for each other will remain.

Some advice to those dating across cultures: Don't expect it to be easy. Be prepared for problems to crop up but know that love is a universal feeling across cultures, and the difference is in how we show it. When problems arise, be patient and try to keep calm and tolerant of differences, which can seem major at the time, but small when looked back on later.

Americans spend more time dating different people before they get married. Also, in most American marriages, respect is shown by being as open, clear, and honest about thoughts and feelings as possible, and by analyzing and trying to understand disagreements and problems in the relationship.

For many Chinese, however, I think respect is shown in covering up or ignoring disagreements and problems. I have seen some Chinese marriages wherein the two people communicate with each other very little, because they don't want to disagree or argue. In America, those people would probably have gotten divorced or at least formally separated.