Bad romance
The melodramatic writings of Qiong Yao have inspired a whole slew of slushy satire
At some point, we've all come across someone who seems to think life is a soap opera - and they're the star: Every breakup, minor setback and work spat calls for drama and despair.
Fortunately, there's a handy way to stop them from chewing the scenery too much. Next time your friend has an emotional outburst, try asking:
Why are you suddenly so Qiong Yao?
Nǐ zěn me tū rán qióng yáo qǐ lái le?
你怎么突然琼瑶起来了？
Known as the "godmother of romance", Taiwan author Qiong Yao (Chiung Yao) is not just one of the best-selling romance writers of all time, she's also a cultural phenomenon. Born in 1938, Qiong Yao, whose real name is Chen Zhe, published her first novel at 25 and has produced over 60 works since, most famously Princess Pearl, the basis of the hit 1998 TV series. In 2018, the series was rebroadcast by Hunan TV and, even 20 years after its premiere, once again became daytime TV's top-rated show, as viewers relished the nostalgia of Qiong Yao hallmarks - melodramatic plots, love triangles and, most important, sappy dialogue.
The Barbara Cartland of Asia's personal style is so familiar that the author's pen name, meaning "precious jade", has become a byword for sentimentality. Thanks to mass media, dialogue from Qiong Yao's works has become widespread and are parodied online as "Qiong Yaostyle lines". Take the following scene from Princess Pearl, in which the lovers Fu Erkang and Xia Ziwei share honeyed words:
Ziwei: I'm begging you, could you please stop being so dashing?
Wǒ qiú qiu nǐ, bù yào zhè me shuài qì hǎo ma?
我求求你，不要这么帅气好吗？
Erkang: I'm begging you too, could you please stop being so sweet?
Wǒ yě qiú qiu nǐ, bù yào zhè me wēn róu hǎo ma?
我也求求你，不要这么温柔好吗？
Overhearing such a conversation in most real-life romance would make one's flesh crawl; but between friends, this exchange can be used sarcastically to express a false depth of gratitude for some routine favor:
A: Here, I picked up your package for you.
Nǐ de kuài dì, wǒ bāng nǐ lǐng le.
你的快递，我帮你领了。
B: I'm begging you, could you please stop being so nice to me?
Wǒ qiú qiu nǐ, bù yào duì wǒ zhè me hǎo xíng ma?
我求求你，不要对我这么好行吗？
Of course, romance is not only about sweet words. Even (or especially) the closest couples quarrel occasionally. When this happens, take note of the clever way that Ziwei deals with a jealous outburst from Erkang:
Z: You're overreacting!
Nǐ hǎo guò fèn o!
你好过分哦！
Z [shyly]: But I like your overreaction very much.
Dàn wǒ hǎo xǐ huan nǐ de guò fèn.
但我好喜欢你的过分。
Another mushy Qiong Yao hit is Romance in the Rain, the 2001 TV adaptation of which starred the same principals as Princess Pearl. In one of its most well-known scenes, heroine Lu Yiping reunites with the hero, He Shuhuan, at the railway station when the latter returns from war. Now, even if just meeting a friend for a movie, there's no reason why you must stick with a conventional greeting - instead, like Yiping, why not shout from a distance?
Shuhuan, don't come to me! Let me fly to you!
Shū huán, nǐ bù yào guò lái, ràng wǒ fēi bēn guò qù!
书桓，你不要过来，让我飞奔过去！
Besides dramatic reunions, Yiping and Shuhuan are known for their many verbal clashes in the course of their (probably emotionally abusive) amour fou. When the two decide to point fingers at each other, they show no mercy:
Shuhuan: You're heartless, you're cruel, you're unreasonable.
Nǐ wú qíng, nǐ cán kù, nǐ wú lǐ qǔ nào.
你无情，你残酷，你无理取闹。
Yiping: Are you not also heartless, cruel and unreasonable?
Nà nǐ jiù bù wú qíng? Bù cán kù? Bù wú lǐ qǔ nào?
那你就不无情？不残酷？不无理取闹？
Shuhuan: How am I heartless? How am I cruel? How am I unreasonable?
Wǒ nǎ lǐ wú qíng? Nǎ lǐ cán kù? Nǎ lǐ wú lǐ qǔ nào?
我哪里无情？哪里残酷？哪里无理取闹？
Yiping: How aren't you heartless? How aren't you cruel? How aren't you unreasonable?
Nǐ nǎ lǐ bù wú qíng? Nǎ lǐ bù cán kù? Nǎ lǐ bù wú lǐ qǔ nào?
你哪里不无情？哪里不残酷？哪里不无理取闹？
OK, enough: The debate goes on for another half-page, but luckily, the exchange is so iconic that, as long as you include the three key phrases, most people will immediately get the reference:
A: I am sorry, but I have to take a rain check on our dinner.
Duì bu qǐ, wǒ men chī fàn zhǐ néng gǎi tiān le.
对不起，我们吃饭只能改天了。
B: You are heartless, you are cruel, you are unreasonable.
Nǐ wú qíng, nǐ cán kù, nǐ wú lǐ qǔ nào.
你无情，你残酷，你无理取闹。
It seems that writing quarrels is Qiong Yao's secret to inflating her page count. In Princess Pearl, Ziwei and Erkang also have a long, repetitive fight.
Ziwei: She says you went to see the snow and the stars and the moon together, and talked (about things ranging) from poetry to song to philosophy.
Tā shuō nǐ men yī qǐ kàn xuě kàn xīng xing kàn yuè liang, cóng shī cí gē fù tán dào rén shēng zhé xué.
她说你们一起看雪看星星看月亮，从诗词歌赋谈到人生哲学。
Ziwei: But I've never seen the snow and the stars and the moon with you, nor talked from poetry to song to philosophy.
Wǒ dōu méi yǒu hé nǐ yī qǐ kàn xuě kàn xīng xing kàn yuè liang, cóng shī cí gē fù tán dào rén shēng zhé xué.
我都没有和你一起看雪看星星看月亮，从诗词歌赋谈到人生哲学。
Erkang: It's all my fault. I shouldn't have gone to see the snow and the stars and the moon with her, nor talk from poetry to song to philosophy.
Dōu shì wǒ de cuò, wǒ bù gāi hé tā yī qǐ kàn xuě kàn xīng xing kàn yuè liang, cóng shī cí gē fù tán dào rén shēng zhé xué.
都是我的错，我不该和她一起看雪看星星看月亮，从诗词歌赋谈到人生哲学。
Erkang: I promise, from now on, I will only see the snow and the stars and the moon, and talk from poetry to song to philosophy, with you.
Wǒ dā ying nǐ jīn hòu zhī hé nǐ yī qǐ kàn xuě kàn xīng xing kàn yuè liang, cóng shī cí gē fù tán dào rén shēng zhé xué.
我答应你今后只和你一起看雪看星星看月亮，从诗词歌赋谈到人生哲学。
Like life, love is full of ups and downs: Qiong Yao's lovers inevitably experience various vicissitudes in life - accidents, separation and even death - yet always manage to inject their misfortunes with pathos. In one episode of Princess Pearl, Ziwei becomes temporarily blind, and weeps to Erkang, who is himself seriously injured and comatose:
How can a shattered me save a shattered you?
Yī gè pò suì de wǒ yào zěn me zhěng jiù yī gè pò suì de nǐ?
一个破碎的我要怎么拯救一个破碎的你？
So next time someone asks for a favor but you are busy with your own issues, simply reply:
"Sorry, but a shattered me cannot save a shattered you."
Duì bu qǐ, dàn yī gè pò suì de wǒ wú fǎ zhěng jiù yī gè pò suì de nǐ a.
对不起，但一个破碎的我无法拯救一个破碎的你啊。
Yiping, on the other hand, is better at talking than writing. When her boyfriend Shuhuan returns to his hometown, she vents to her diary:
Day 1 after Shuhuan left: Miss him.
Shū huán zǒu de dì yī tiān, xiǎng tā.
书桓走的第一天，想他。
Day 2 after Shuhuan left: Miss him, miss him.
Shū huán zǒu de dì èr tiān, xiǎng tā, xiǎng tā.
书桓走的第二天，想他，想他。
Day 3 after Shuhuan left: Miss him, miss him, miss him.
Shū huán zǒu de dì sān tiān, xiǎng tā, xiǎng tā, xiǎng tā.
书桓走的第三天，想他，想他，想他。
And so forth. Qiong Yao's heroine may not be good writer (albeit, she is a fine mathematician), but this template is pretty useful. Two years ago, when the NBA's Kobe Bryant retired, one of his fans wrote on social media: "It's day one after Kobe left. Miss him."
Though Qiong Yao's success in romance writing is unmatched, her works are frequently criticized for promoting the wrong values, with moral guardians even labeling some of her lines as literary "poison". In Fantasies Behind the Pearly Curtain, the heroine Ziling falls in love with her sister Luping's fiance, Chu Lian, and they have an affair. Chu decides to come clean to Luping, but before he can do so, Luping, a dancer, loses her leg in a car accident.
Chu then marries Luping out of guilt, and when she finds out the truth, Luping takes revenge on the whole family. At this point, Ziling's husband, Fei Yunfan, calls out Luping in one of Qiong Yao's most notorious lines:
You just lost a leg, but what about Ziling? She lost half her life! Not to mention the love she threw away for you.
Nǐ zhī bù guò shì shī qù le yī tiáo tuǐ. Zǐ líng ne? Tā shī qù le bàn tiáo mìng! Gèng bù yào shuō tā wèi nǐ gē shě diào de ài qíng.
你只不过是失去了一条腿。紫菱呢？她失去了半条命！更不要说她为你割舍掉的爱情。
This line is usually quoted as evidence of Qiong Yao's "incorrect" views on love and life. In the show, Luping becomes speechless in the face of such impassioned criticism. But perhaps she should have just replied: "You are heartless, you are cruel, you are unreasonable!"
Courtesy of The World of Chinese; www.theworldofchinese.com.cn
The World of Chinese
(China Daily Africa Weekly 06/29/2018 page23)
